So sometimes I would ignore the question. Pretend I hadn't heard the person so I wouldn't have to choose. People must have thought I was so rude. I didn't care. If that didn't work, I would try to eek out a "fine" and run away. It felt like a lie. A lie that broke me because saying I was "fine" felt like I was pretending he didn't exist.

Sometimes I would speak the truth. It was vulnerable and scary. I know that I caught a few people by surprise. But in my line of work, you have to be on your game at all times. So it was important for those around me to know that I was not in the right headspace, to keep an eye on me and in doing so, help to keep others safe.

Some of the truthful moments led to healing and clarity. One of which led to finding someone with an almost identical story to my own. That helped. Sometimes it just felt good to acknowledge it, to acknowledge him.

I still think about this often. It's a rather terrible greeting. These days I try to stick to "Hey, it's nice to see you."

I often wonder how many people I greet are living their own lie in the moment. Wearing a mask and barely holding it together. Trying to get through their day while they are torn up inside.